Playing the Shame Game

On Monday, I interviewed a new borrower, a young woman named Miguelina, planning to take her information and make a Kiva profile for her and her group. She told me about how she is a single mother with three children, ages six, five, and five months. She is 21 years old. That's a year older than I am. When she told me her age, I was firmly slapped in the face with the realization that she is one of my peers. Before me was a product of my own generation, living a life that is unimaginably distant from my own experience. Yet here she was, eager to tell me about her plan to start a business selling food supplies: rice, beans, cooking oil, candy, etc. Here she was, telling me about her determination to keep her kids in school so they can fulfill their dreams.

And I believe her. I believe she will do it.

Perhaps it is wrong of me to stereotype, but I have difficulty imagining that an American girl in the same situation would have that kind of attitude and ambition. I think there is a reason for this. Miguelina, despite having three children at a shockingly young age, is not ashamed of her circumstances. She has the support of her family and community in what she is doing.

In the America that I grew up in, a mostly white, upper-middle-class society, there is an immense culture of shame concerning teenage girls who get pregnant. In a society, shame is primarily a social deterrent mechanism. So the argument goes, if we do sufficient damage to the reputations of those who make mistakes, then others will be more careful. And if we do not use shame as a deterrent, than what else is there? After all, it's far better that we use shame than try to use rule of law.

However, on the subject of teen pregnancy in particular, shame is a double-edged sword. We may be deterring others from making foolish mistakes, but at what cost to those who do? More importantly, at what cost to the children of these young women? A young woman who finds herself pregnant may look upon her child as a curse, a scarlet letter, something that has ruined her life and her dreams for the future. Indeed, many young women feel compelled to "deal" with the problem before it becomes evident. Even for those who don't, what sort of environment are these children growing up in, when their mothers do not have the love and support of their community? It's quite possible that many of the undesirable results of teen pregnancies today might not occur if we did not condemn young parents so harshly.

All of that being said, I am not necessarily going to come out as strongly in favor of de-stigmatizing teen pregnancy. It is true that if we as a culture become more accepting of it, it might happen a lot more. All I will say at this point is that the costs and benefits of how we handle this issue deserve to be examined much more closely, and may be due for recalibrating.